Ghost Tears and Haunted Fears
by Loudvoicenoisyworlds
Summary: ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK. Wouldn't let me set it up there for some reason. Set after the Pennsatucky incident. Will be an ongoing piece documenting Piper's transition back into the prison society, and into Alex's domain. I don't quite know where I'm going with it, but it might be going down *if you get me* ;) It's my first fanfic, so please bare with xx


It didn't take long for Piper to realise that the worse thing about Solitary Confinement was the boredom. It was a punishment no doubt, but that feeling of anger she had when she was previously down in SHU made no return-she was guilty and Piper knew it. Despite this she didn't feel remorse, but neither was she happy. For lack of a better word Piper felt numb. She had felt numb for a while.

She had even tried to count the days, but as they turned into double digits she gave up. She was bored. In SHU every day was the same and accompanied by the delightful soundtrack of screaming, yelling and the occasional howl. If she was lucky her fellow SHUmates would harmonise in their deteriorating vocal orchestra and for a second Piper would be transported into a crowded theatre she had once sat in with Larry. Then, with a jolt, Piper would return to her little cell where she would cry ghost tears and wait for the next meal.

She didn't like the meals. Prison food was already notoriously bad, even with Red's '_expertise_', but the SHU delicatessen was beyond the boundaries of indigestible. However the trays arrived at roughly the same time each day and that reassured Piper just slightly. At least she knew time was still passing and not just pretending to. She ate the food, mould and all. Not because she was hungry because something she couldn't quite explain was hoping that it would eventually kill her. She didn't consider herself suicidal. She considered herself fucked up. She yearned for a therapist, or for Polly to talk to. At her darkest times she wished even her mother might find a way to appear in front of her. She didn't want Alex. She couldn't want Alex.

The days blurred, and like everything else in her situation, she couldn't care less. Sometimes she wondered how much longer she had left in the prison within a prison. She had been told of course, when she was summoned to a hearing for the Pennsatucky incident. She hadn't listened. Words flew over her head in a meaningless whir of nothingness. _She didn't want to know_, she told herself. _Pennsatucky_, she recalled, _was in Psychiatric. She had come back around from the attack, and had claimed she had done God's will. At the hearing she had called the judge the devil and spat in his face. The ride down to loony town was short and swift,_ Piper had gathered._ Her stay was indefinite._

Sometimes Piper was scared. She sat in the corner, as far away from the door as she could possibly get, and wrapped herself in to a tight ball; all in a failed attempt to escape from reality. She got a surprise when she felt a lump upon her back, protruding from her skin. She considered briefly had she been stabbed there and the instrument left within her body but it didn't take long for her to realise it was her shoulder blade. With a grim smile she had stood up, and looked down at herself properly for the first time in a while. The clothes had hung off her like sheets, and her hair, though longer and more knotted than college Piper would ever have allowed it to get, had been thinner than she had ever feared it could get. That was the first day, or night, that she had worked out. Feeble and weak though she was, she had managed to get through one push up. It was excruciating. She had never been strong, had never had a need or desire to be, but this small excursion was using muscles that she had quite simply forgotten about. She had tried again- she lowered her body once more before her chest gave way. Her stomach hit the concrete floor with a notable thud and her weary arms ached with a sharpness that just about got through that numbness that was haunting her. She didn't move from that floor. Instead she had stayed on the ground and had a somewhat more restful sleep than those she had on the shitty excuse of a cardboard they called a mattress.

When she awoke she did much the same thing. She pushed herself to the limit many times. She did sit ups until her abdominals were screaming out louder than the orchestra. She didn't know why she did it. She guessed the boredom. Maybe that she did it for Alex, to prove that she could be strong. That the one who had always needed protection from the big bad monsters might actually become the big bad monster. She didn't consider that of course. The thought never even crossed her mind. For the first time in what felt like forever, Piper made the decision to do something for her own good.

That's what she told herself anyway.


End file.
